Finally free!

I know I said here that's the last time I was gonna talk about it (online) but there's a development that I need to document because it's definitely worth documenting:

I finally told both my folks about the break-up.

Yep, after a long ass time of trying to get them to ask me about it, I finally told them. Okay, I told them on different occasions (told my mom when I went home at 4 in the morning last Monday and told my dad while he was brushing his teeth just an hour ago) but today marks the day when I am finally free from all the shackles that have been linking me to him. Yeah, we have my daughter, linking him to me forever but the emotional hold is now gone. I don't have to worry about how I'm gonna explain everything to the both of them anymore.

I also told them about the new guy who isn't my boyfriend (yet) but I guess they already know he's courting me. I mean, he's almost always here at home, hanging out with me/us, anyway.

It might come as a shock that I just told them about it now after being broken up for months now but we're not really vocal with whatever so there you go.

Woohoo! Finally!

Ohmygodmyfeels

Photos from PostSecret.com.

This is the last time that I'm talking about this.

This is the first time I've seen a post that was meant for me published a few months ago and I honestly don't know how to feel about it. Don't get me wrong, though. I've probably made the best decision of my life by walking out of the most toxic relationship I will ever be in in my lifetime and I will stand by that decision til the last of my days because I will never ever allow anyone to disrespect me ever again. It's just that a part of me feels bad for the guy. Yes, after all that I've been through in all my, what, 2 1/2 years with him, I still am the one feeling bad for him.

I don't really know why but it's probably the fact that he doesn't understand everything that happened to him and why they happened. Why I walked out of his life, why it all happened in a blink of an eye and why all of a sudden, I had no love left for him. Let me shed some light on these: First of all, I walked out because I didn't feel respected both as a woman and a person. I admit, I am not one of those independent women I hope I was. I'm not even close to becoming independent, especially if we were to talk about matters of the heart. With that said, I am one of those hopeless romantic, damsels-in-distress who are waiting to be swept off their feet by a knight in shining armor atop his trusty steed. I understand not all men get the logic behind this but is it too much to ask for a little respect? No need to call me "immature" for hoping a prince will kiss all the troubles away. A simple "I can't possibly live up to that" would've sufficed. And the desire to be respected doesn't end there: Smoking while walking/standing on the sidewalk without being called a slut (pokpok, to be more specific), wearing shorts without being told I just want guys to notice me, following my parents' advice without being told I can't make my own decisions... It's a long ass list that I wouldn't want to bore anyone with.

Everything didn't happen in a blink of an eye, too, as much as he wants to believe otherwise. In the 5th month of the relationship, I began telling him everything. I wanted to be open to him because that's what a healthy relationship needs but trust me when I say hearing "Ano nanaman bang problema? Yan nanaman? Diba nasabi mo na yan dati?" every damn time you try to bring up a situation you feel uncomfortable with can do massive damage to your psyche. I started clamming up when I entered my 3rd trimester, thinking I was a single woman halfway through 2012 and actually moving on January 1st of this year, when my goals and dreams were all stepped on by the person who's supposed to be helping me reach them. Being called a "gold digger" for wanting all the basic things in life is the final nail on the coffin. So no, the break-up didn't happen in a blink of an eye. I guess it follows that the flame died little by little until there was no more flame to speak of. The only mistake I think I made when it came to the break-up is that I waited that long to end the relationship. It wasn't fair to him and it most certainly wasn't fair for me.

He said he still wants to marry me and I'm flattered but please believe me when I say that it's not going to happen. The girl who was so hopelessly in love with him, the girl who was about to disobey her parents just to marry him (for all the wrong reasons), the girl who was willing to risk every damn thing for a man who didn't return even just a bit of respect she's given him...that girl is long gone and so is everything that I've ever felt for him...yes, including the hurt and the anger. I am lifting them all up to Him and hope that the forgiveness comes cause then, I'll finally get the peace of mind I so longed for.

#70. I cannot compose a decent blog post/article when I'm happy.

Helping in my own little way.

I've been trying to send money donations to the Philippine Red Cross since Yolanda struck the Visayan region but for some reason, my donation won't come through so I started looking for other ways to help. Most organizations wanted for volunteers to call beforehand to register before they get to help which might be a good idea for them but I wanted to get down to business right away so I looked some more.

When Jim Paredes posted that Ateneo was looking for volunteers to repack relief goods and that they allowed walk-in volunteers, I phoned a very good friend and asked him to accompany me to "enemy" grounds yesterday.

We bought several boxes of mineral water that served as our donation. We started working with the rice group, filling plastic after plastic with rice. We were then tasked to carry these plastics from one place to another (which would've been the death of me if I haven't been working out my arms for the past 2 months). My friend was called to help load the goods to the trucks and buses - all guys were needed - while I helped with transferring bars of soap. I wanted to take pictures but when we started with the tasks, we barely had time to even just breathe. Twas all good, though, since I got to focus on the tasks at hand and became more productive than I would've been if I had my phone with me.

We left Ateneo with huge grins on our faces. The feeling of knowing we've helped someone even in our own little way gave us a high that no drug can ever give. Ended the experience with a prayer of thanksgiving (yes, I actually prayed) that we had the capacity - and the chance - to help.

Side note: I would've loved to study in a school with such huge grounds as the Ateneo. Sobrang nakakakalma.

"Something inside has changed. And the change came as a surprise.

- Miggy Montenegro, Editor-in-chief, The New Bachelor

(from the movie A Very Special Love)

It feels good to have someone support you.

Ever since the break-up, I've been feeling like Ted here whenever people get all supportive of my actions and decisions. I know most of my friends have been there for me in the whole ordeal that is my latest relationship - and I am most certainly grateful for the support and love, friends - but for the most part, I've been focusing on all the things I've been told that I was doing wrong instead of my friends and family, cheering me on.
Now all I feel is that I am being appreciated and supported in everything - literally, EVERYTHING - I do. I think it helps that I don't just rush into things anymore and that I consult other wiser people before I make decisions now. But yeah, this support thing feels damn good. You just know that people actually believe in what you have to offer.
Side note: I can't find an existing photo from Tumblr with that quote so I had to make one. I don't know what font is being used by those Tumblr kids for the quotes so the one I used from Pixlr Express should be enough for now.

This has been bothering me since this weekend.

"If it's too good to be true, it's most probably a scam."

Okay, granted, my dad and my aunts were talking about shady businesses their in-laws and friends engaged in. I just can't help but get semi-affected with it 'cause I have a too-good-to-be-true type of situation in my life right now that isn't related to any type of business deal at all and I don't know if that very same line applies to it.