DAPAT.

Ever since I graduated from PSI, I flinch whenever I hear the word "dapat". I started having this opinion that it is for the narrow and closed-minded people.

"Dapat" - or "should" - is used to impose or limit something. Sometimes, it feels necessary for us to use this word, especially when we feel wronged or we are naaagrabya. Parents, especially, use this word sparingly to make their points "valid" and make them feel like they are THE authority figure.

The word "dapat" confines the person hearing it to what the statement/situation is thus limiting his choices.

For example:
"Dapat kumakain ka ng gulay. (You should eat vegetables.)"

Yes, eating vegetables generally is a good thing. But you see, you don't give the person the chance to use the freewill God gave him. And whenever you hinder a person to what s/he wants to become, s/he will rebel even more. You, on the other hand, will be experiencing stress because you're driving the other person to do the one thing that you like even if s/he has a different approach to things.

The given example can be resolved, of course. How? Instead of imposing it, try suggesting it:

"Alam mo, yung gulay maganda sa kalusugan mo. Subukan mo. (You know, vegetables are good for your health. Try it.)"

This way, you are giving the other person options on what s/he should do. You are also giving him/her the freedom to choose whatever s/he thinks is best for him/her.

It doesn't end there, though. Whatever the other person decides on, YOU ACCEPT because if not, you, again, impose "dapat" into the equation by thinking that the other person SHOULD do whatever it is you suggested.

It sounds complicated but it is actually very, very simple. We just got sooooo used to the complicated.

Try it. Prove me right, prove me wrong.