I don't think you can call it an 'earthquake'...

Just a few minutes ago, the Philippines experienced the weirdest earthquake I can ever hope to experience (Please, Lord, no more earthquakes in my lifetime EVER).

Why weirdest, you ask? Well, I don't think you can call it an earthquake because I don't think the movement of the earth moments ago was side-to-side, like it always does... It jerked! The bed I am lying working on moved like someone nudged it or like some spirit wanted to make his presence felt, horror movie-style and that was it! I didn't even feel dizzy like I normally do during earthquakes and that in itself is reason enough for it to not be called an earthquake.

I may just be freaking myself out. I'm totally paranoid over earthquakes before I had Brianna and now, the paranoia tripled so I don't know. My brain still feels like goo because of the frantic reaction I had a while ago.

I bet this doesn't even make sense...

Edit: It was an Intensity III earthquake, as per Phivolcs announcement via the ABS-CBN News website. As per Twitter, though, it's because people are rising from the dead, just in time for Halloween.

Tamang Hinala-ing.

I hate this feeling so much. Especially when I started my day with much glee like I did this morning. I was sooooo inspired by the words I've read and the way the morning sun struck the windows that I thought nothing could ruin my day. Well, no one can unless you give them permission to and that's what I did. I let one text message, most probably an innocent one, ruin the day for me. And it's not even lunch time yet!

I've learned in PSI that an action from the outside will trigger a reaction from inside you DEPENDING on how you look at the situation. Imagination plays a huge part to how you react.

An action from the outside could be absolutely anything. In my case, a text message simply saying "Papasok na ako". The text message was sent at 7am. Let's name the sender "Bry" and one trivia about him: In my one year and 7 months with TVSTYLE, he was never on time. Okay there was one time when we had early morning coffee in The Columns, January 2010 but that's it. So anyway, his text message shocked (yes, SHOCKED) me because of this.

First thing that got to my mind, SINO BA YANG COORDINATOR NA YAN? MAGANDA BA YAN? You see, the office has a new coordinator in place of the previous one who was pregnant (no, it's not me. Some other coordinator who will give birth this September). So far, I know that her name's Mikko/Miko/Mico, she's Japanese and that she panicked when one of the writers yelled at her. Other than that, wala na.

Let me tell you something about myself now: I have the biggest insecurity after the pregnancy. The way I look, as well as my body looks, is now different. I look - well - like a mom now. Don't get me wrong, I am every bit thankful of Brianna. I would just prefer for me to look like Adrianna Lima the way she did after she gave birth to her baby.

I mean, look at her! She's still Victoria's Secret worthy! Parang di nanganak!

Long story short, though, I got paranoid thoughts (i.e. He likes the new coordinator) and did not give him the benefit of the doubt. I was paranoid enough to not think that he may be getting rid of his bad habits and that he wanted to find more clients because more clients = more moolah = brighter future for our family. I also just talked to one friend from the office and she told me they were having a meeting first thing this morning.

Now that I let all that out, I now am feeling guilty for being a meanie. Apologizing would get rid of the guilt I am feeling but when he asks me what I'm apologizing for, I'd feel guilty all over again having to explain to him why.

I make my life complicated.

Swagger. What does it really mean?

According to http://www.merriam-webster.com,

²swag·ger

noun \ˈswa-gər\

Definition of SWAGGER

1

a : an arrogantly self-confident way of walking : an act or instance of swaggering

b : arrogant or conceitedly self-assured behavior

c : ostentatious display or bravado

2

: a self-confident outlook : cockiness

I've first encountered that word from a song. It's supposed to be used by maangas people, like those rappers who sing about it. Kids from Tumblr and Twitter seem to be using the word differently, though.

I've seen people in my Twitter timeline write "Just brushed my teeth. #SWAG". How is that swag, right? These kids don't know what the word really means but use it just to look cool. Which kinda sucks.

I'm not annoyed because they're trying to sound cool. I am annoyed because kids nowadays say things without knowing/understanding their real meaning. And since I am a mom now, I am also becoming paranoid because I have a daughter who might sprinkle the F word in her sentences like there's nothing wrong with it (I WAS guilty of this). It's my job to make Brianna understand but whose job is it to make the other kids understand?

Mom, you're P-A-R-A-N-O-I-D!

Apparently, my mom thinks Bry already has a family that we don't know about. Ate Thelma told me just this morning, over breakfast that my mom told her this when they were in the hospital during the most expensive false alarm that has ever happened to me, waiting for me to leave the labor room.

She used to tell me over and over again that Bry was going to leave me after everything when they first learned of my pregnancy...Now it all makes sense because all along, she has this in her mind. Crazy.

Now mom, if you happen to stumble upon this site, here are reasons why you should stop thinking negatively about Bry. Okay? And yes, I am pissed off.

• He personally asked you for my hand in marriage. Di ba enough reason yun? I mean, if he was married to somebody else (which he's NOT), he probably won't be going through with this one. Common sense, please, paganahin.
• He wouldn't spend so much money on this pregnancy. Again, isn't this reason enough? Why bother giving your money to some girl you got pregnant when you got a family to raise already? He should've just left if he had a family, don't you think? Again, COMMON SENSE LANG, PLEASE.
• He and I wouldn't have spent countless nights in their house and HIS MOM AND DAD WAKING UP TO SEEING US LEAVE THEIR HOUSE THE NEXT MORNING FOR WORK, resulting to this pregnancy.
• His parents wouldn't have allowed me to step foot in their house in the first place if he already has a family. They also wouldn't be excited for Brianna's arrival, if that's the case.
• He wouldn't have showed his face to our family. Mahiya naman siya kung may pamilya na siya, magpapakilala pa siya sa angkan natin.

For me, the first one is reason enough. But if you still need more than what is listed, I will be happy to enumerate them all to you in person.

Is it just me?

I am afraid to sneeze or cough or do something "extreme" because I might stress "it" out.

Crazy, right?

Boyfriend weather is here...

This must be a good thing.

It would've been if the boyfriend were here and

not stranded with someone I don't want him to be with.

Sucks balls.

I hate you, Basyang.