It's hard being sick.

Before, being sick meant staying in at home and not waking up early in the morning to go to school or work, being able to boss people around because you're "too weak to do anything" and having all the chocolates you want. Never mind that your head hurts and you can barely move, you're just too happy to be home and not somewhere you don't want to be in.

Today, I realized that everything has changed for me.

First and foremost, I have been staying at home since October 2010 that it gets pretty boring here at home. Yes, I have all the TV and the internet I could take but it gets tiring watching the same shows over and over again. I know I will regret this but I honestly want to work again just to mingle with other people and visit other places (Okay, regret over this depends on what job I land). And I honest-to-goodness miss being productive.

Next, since I went to the PSI seminar last November, I started to dislike having people do what I can do for me. I used to boss people around, making them do what I should be doing and I enjoy doing it. But after that seminar, I learned that to accomplish what I need - and want - to be accomplished in the way I wanted it to be, I should be taking control. That's why now, I want to do everything. I feel so weak having to let people do things for me. Feels like I am not taking control of my life.

Chocolates now have become an obsession of mine. I used to want salty food more than sweet food but during my pregnancy, I shared this tight bond with sweet things - especially chocolates - and now, even if Brianna's here already, I still am in an affair with anything sweet. With that said, chocolates are not part of the positive side of being sick anymore.

Lastly and most importantly, I don't get to hold my baby. I know this sounds so mother-like but I realized only now how strong that bond between mother and kids is. I wanted to comfort her and hold her in my arms when she cries even if I know that she just wants to eat. I want to talk to her even if she doesn't understand me yet. I want to stare at her face up-close and kiss her nose when she sleeps. I sound in love and that's because I am!

I now officially hate being sick.

Damn all the drama, may sakit lang naman ako. Bukas magaling na ako!