Tamang Hinala-ing.

I hate this feeling so much. Especially when I started my day with much glee like I did this morning. I was sooooo inspired by the words I've read and the way the morning sun struck the windows that I thought nothing could ruin my day. Well, no one can unless you give them permission to and that's what I did. I let one text message, most probably an innocent one, ruin the day for me. And it's not even lunch time yet!

I've learned in PSI that an action from the outside will trigger a reaction from inside you DEPENDING on how you look at the situation. Imagination plays a huge part to how you react.

An action from the outside could be absolutely anything. In my case, a text message simply saying "Papasok na ako". The text message was sent at 7am. Let's name the sender "Bry" and one trivia about him: In my one year and 7 months with TVSTYLE, he was never on time. Okay there was one time when we had early morning coffee in The Columns, January 2010 but that's it. So anyway, his text message shocked (yes, SHOCKED) me because of this.

First thing that got to my mind, SINO BA YANG COORDINATOR NA YAN? MAGANDA BA YAN? You see, the office has a new coordinator in place of the previous one who was pregnant (no, it's not me. Some other coordinator who will give birth this September). So far, I know that her name's Mikko/Miko/Mico, she's Japanese and that she panicked when one of the writers yelled at her. Other than that, wala na.

Let me tell you something about myself now: I have the biggest insecurity after the pregnancy. The way I look, as well as my body looks, is now different. I look - well - like a mom now. Don't get me wrong, I am every bit thankful of Brianna. I would just prefer for me to look like Adrianna Lima the way she did after she gave birth to her baby.

I mean, look at her! She's still Victoria's Secret worthy! Parang di nanganak!

Long story short, though, I got paranoid thoughts (i.e. He likes the new coordinator) and did not give him the benefit of the doubt. I was paranoid enough to not think that he may be getting rid of his bad habits and that he wanted to find more clients because more clients = more moolah = brighter future for our family. I also just talked to one friend from the office and she told me they were having a meeting first thing this morning.

Now that I let all that out, I now am feeling guilty for being a meanie. Apologizing would get rid of the guilt I am feeling but when he asks me what I'm apologizing for, I'd feel guilty all over again having to explain to him why.

I make my life complicated.