Stay-at-home mom vs. Working mom

I've been sending out applications like crazy since last month but I've also been declining most invitations for interviews like they're indecent proposals from dirty, old men. My mind is still not made up if I want to work fulltime again.

Of course, having money to spend whenever I want to spend it how ever way I want to spend it is the strongest arguement I have pro-working mom. I mean, most people my age have this as their reason for working, too, considering the people my age I know are from average families. Saving for the future has got to be my main focus now, I know, but spending is on top of my list right now. Diapers, baby food and all things baby are constantly in my to buy list, most of the time I don't get to buy things I need; like deo and underwear and a new pair of jeans. I get monthly "allowance" from my babydaddy, yes, but 3/4 of the money goes to the baby; monthly check-ups and MONTHLY VACCINATIONS, diapers, baby food, baby soap and shampoo, baby etc. The money that's left is emergency money, which doesn't last long. My parents (and grandparents) give me money sometimes, yes, but it's not much. I still am not paying for rent, electricity, groceries, water and I'm already complaining.

Of course, the main - and probably the only - reason why I wouldn't want to actually work outside home is because I feel that my purpose is to be a mom and a homemaker. I can't believe it at first either. If you knew me before I got pregnant, you'd know that I'm a drunkard who doesn't care if I got to work the next day or if I could stay awake while in the shower. Bry and my baby came and then everything changed. I suddenly want to get my act together and actually live long enough to take care of them. I (sort of) stopped smoking (chain-smoking, anyway). I try to stay away from junk food as much as I could and I always, always pray to God now to spare the world from Judgement Day next year. I want to take care of my family and suddenly be all Mrs. Brady to my (much, much, MUCH smaller) bunch.

I want to help Bry save up for this family but at the same time be here for, say, parent-teacher conferences and family days and Linggo ng Wika presentations. I see working at home the best solution for my dilemma but I need a high-paying, home-based job that can help me earn. Once we've earned enough, we're gonna invest on a business which will give us passive income then we'll never have to become a slave to the corporate world again. But yeah, I have to spend more time online again to find a legit online, home-based job first.

Sigh. Being a grown-up is hard.