Weak.

I have been feeling so weak these past few weeks. Not physically, though. Physical weakness I can handle. Emotional weakness? Now that's a different story.

I've managed to stay strong for months now: Not complain when I am not given any attention, not feel dumb whenever I open my mouth, not feel small whenever I get rejected for asking to be intimate. Heck, I've even moved past the whole "Hey, we don't text/talk/see each other anymore!" dilemma but now, I feel particularly weak and no, there's no third party involved. I just feel depressed all of a sudden.

I know I'm Little Miss Positive Thinker to most people I talk to on a regular basis but there's something about these past few weeks that got me thinking about our my situation. I suddenly felt alone. Yes, I have my family and I have my friends but it takes a partnership between a man and a woman to make raising a child work. Plus, I am no dead person. I have my needs, too, as a woman.

To cover up this weakness, I've been going out with friends, drinking and partying and watching movies. But when everything's over, I cannot help but feel sad again. Sure, I've managed to smile and laugh the whole night and get all kilig over some parts of it but whenever I get home, I go back into the rut I started out in. Partida, the 'buzz' I get from drinking is still there but I can still feel the sadness.

I don't feel anything and that's a lot to say coming from a sensitive person like me. With that said, I want to ask again what I've asked over Twitter a while ago: How do you know something's not worth it anymore if pain and sadness is part of the process?