Wednesday, January 30, 2013

I know what I'm doing is good...

...but I can't shake the feeling that it might be turning me into someone I don't want to be.

Okay, it's not that deep... It actually isn't deep at all. It's about smoking. I haven't had a single stick of cigarette since Monday last week and it's the longest I lasted without one since I started smoking again in 2011. It's done a lot of good for me: I can smell what our neighbor is cooking and I can actually differentiate what's salty and what's saltier. Plus, I don't pant whenever I go up the stairs anymore.

So why the hell am I complaining? Well, for one, my patience got shorter. I know that doesn't make sense. I don't get the connection either; I just noticed I got a lot more irritable without nicotine in my system sheeshgetoffmybackwillyougod!

*deep breath*

And second, I've been eating a lot lately. I eat when I wake up, then I eat after I run/bike, then I eat lunch, then I eat again at 3pm then again at 5, then I eat dinner and then right before I sleep. I don't eat small portions each time, no. I eat meal-sized meals!

I got this oral fixation thing real bad. If I had a boyfriend were with the boyfriend all the time, he'd probably be the meal I'll be devouring, if you know what I mean.

At least that's not going to make me fat...

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