Baptismal seminar slapped me in the face.

Bry and I went to the baptismal seminar in the Shrine of Our Lady of Lourdes in Retiro (Ninongs and Ninangs, take note!) last Friday. Bry's mom and his cousin, Jane, conducted the seminar. I was soooo sleepy and I thought I knew everything they will be saying there (e.g. Reason for white dress, annointing of oil, etc.) since I graduated from a Catholic school. Twice. Boy, was I wrong.

Being a parent requires a whole lot of work. Yes, providing for the child and caring for him/her, in itself, is hardwork already. But they pointed out that what you do - and not what you say - is more important. Think about your parents for a while. They always say stuff to you, right? Like eat your vegetables, go home early, etc. But do THEY do it? A parent's job is to be an example. And that, my friends, is the most crucial part of being a parent. The kids will look at what you are doing, how you are doing things, how you respond to what's happening around you (eep!).

Now, how did that affect me? Simple. I responded quite weakly to the situation involving me and my little family. The situation swallowed me whole and I have succumbed to what my parents have been forcing me to do out of guilt (I am constantly being reminded that I am the biggest problem in their lives and that I am the reason why they've been very stressed, which sounds stupid considerig they brought the stress upon themselves when they decided to meddle with Bry and my decision to get married). Upon leaving the seminar, I realized that I need to fix this situation, pronto. Bry can only help so much. Everything, pretty much, is on my shoulders.

Now that I think about it, I have been bringing everything to myself. Everything includes not being married to Bry and living apart from him, Brianna's surname (which will be a big hassle when we change it), my frustrations of not being able to live my OWN life and so much more. I have the capability to decide. I know it. But the guilt is pulling me so far down that if I don't do anything about it, I might just rot in my parent's house without a husband and a child who will be blaming me for not fighting for her dad.

Yes, all of those thoughts were running in my mind during the seminar. The listening and storing part of my mind was on auto-pilot that night so I got the details I needed to remember for the baptism so I was able to go into deep thinking then. Which led to the conversation I had with Bry later that night. Which is an entirely different story.

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