Please forgive me...

Warning: This is a totally narcissistic post.

I know nothing gives me the right to pollute the internet with my face but can I just say I am so in love with my Mac? Not because it's super high-tech or something but because its camera makes me look pretty.

Right?! RIIIIIIIIIIGHT?!

Breakout.

I've always been proud of my face and the fact that I don't get awful breakouts even if I forget to wash my face before going to bed like a lot of girls do but today, that confidence has gone down the drain.

Behold, my god-awful forehead:

I have a theory that the powder I'm using now is causing this ugly breakout but now that I think about it, it's probably caused by the late nights and the sudden interest in Raisinets plus it's summertime and add the fact that I've started smoking again...

I am so desperate for a nightout with friend but there's no way in hell I'm going out with these on my forehead...

I know what I'm doing is good...

...but I can't shake the feeling that it might be turning me into someone I don't want to be.

Okay, it's not that deep... It actually isn't deep at all. It's about smoking. I haven't had a single stick of cigarette since Monday last week and it's the longest I lasted without one since I started smoking again in 2011. It's done a lot of good for me: I can smell what our neighbor is cooking and I can actually differentiate what's salty and what's saltier. Plus, I don't pant whenever I go up the stairs anymore.

So why the hell am I complaining? Well, for one, my patience got shorter. I know that doesn't make sense. I don't get the connection either; I just noticed I got a lot more irritable without nicotine in my system sheeshgetoffmybackwillyougod!

*deep breath*

And second, I've been eating a lot lately. I eat when I wake up, then I eat after I run/bike, then I eat lunch, then I eat again at 3pm then again at 5, then I eat dinner and then right before I sleep. I don't eat small portions each time, no. I eat meal-sized meals!

I got this oral fixation thing real bad. If I had a boyfriend were with the boyfriend all the time, he'd probably be the meal I'll be devouring, if you know what I mean.

At least that's not going to make me fat...

Pagbigyan na, malamig naman...

Candid face

One of the things that have been bothering me about planning my wedding is the photos, mainly because I don't take pretty candid photos. I mean, that's what pre-nups and wedding photos are all about, right? If I don't find a photographer that will make me look decent in my candid wedding photos, well, that's just sad...

Still got it!

Last Saturday night, I was (drunkenly) telling Bry how I felt ugly ever since 2009 and how 2007 was the peak of my "beauty". He didn't necessarily give me the affirmation I would've appreciated in my then-drunken state so that I'm-not-pretty feeling stuck with me days after.

Then Tuesday came. Malia and I were gonna meet up in Wynsum Bldg. in Ortigas before we went to Jason's grandfather's wake. I arrived 30 minutes before she did so I decided to wait for her in Ortigas Park. I sat on one of the benches in the park, sharing it with a stranger in corporate attire, lit a cigarette and puffed away. I had my iPod on so I didn't notice him offering me a gum up until the song ended. I declined and he kept on talking to me despite how obvious my earphones were from his point of view.

He's probably around my age, doesn't look half bad and - according to him - he works as an accountant for San Miguel Corporation. He told me he was earning around Php 80,000 when he was still working online but he got banned on oDesk and that was when he decided to apply for the accountant post in San Miguel. All of these he told me while I had my earphones on. I just nodded on some parts of his "small talk" but I didn't give him anything. When Malia finally arrived, I had to excuse myself while he gloats on how rich he is. He asked for my number but I just left him there, with his iPhone 2g.

Okay, he gave me my much-needed self-esteem boost but while I was walking from Ortigas Park to the Wynsum Bldg., I realized:

• I still got it!
• how I hate doing small talk with people I don't know more than I hate doing small talk with people I do know.
• when engaged in small talk with people I don't know, I don't really, you know, talk.
• some people will still talk to you even if you have your earphones plugged in.
• people get picked up in weird places.
• that we were in a park in Ortigas. If he wanted to pick someone up, he shouldn't do it there. I mean, don't we go to bars or Quezon Ave. when we want to pick people up? He should do the same.

Anyway, now that my confidence gauge is semi-full, I guess I shouldn't dwell too much on how prettier I was back then. In fact, I'm now ready to see the photos I downloaded from Multiply again and organize them. (Yeah, both the motivation and the conclusion of this blog post is rather shallow but what do you care, huh?)

Multiply Flashback: LEGS.

Can we just take a minute and admire my legs back in 2006?

My 18th birthday | September 15, 2006 | Ahlen

Okay. Back to regular programming.

I hate looking at old photos.

This one isn't even that much long ago! This was taken last year, two weeks after I gave birth. I seem to have smaller legs then than now and my long hair! My hair hasn't grown that much since I had my haircut because all the calcium in my body goes to Brianna when she breastfeeds. Ugh. Back to drinking calcium supplements...

I am getting girlier by the minute.

I don't know what has gotten into me lately but I think I'm getting girlier and girlier each waking day. First, the fascination with rockstars. Nothing can get girlier than that but I just started this year so... Second, the weird (at least for me) sudden interest in bracelets and rings and lastly, spending more time online browsing online shops and falling in love with the pieces I see, specifically denim shirts and knitted tops. Lace is slowly growing on me, too.

I think browsing through fashion blogs has something to do with this. Not complaining, though. I mean it's about time I dressed more like a girl. Although not that much because I still can't see myself wearing a dainty dress with Peter Pan collars, a pair of doll shoes and a really pretty headband. I just wish I had the money to spend for the stuff I like.

I miss my younger, prettier, longer hair self.

This was taken August 22, 2007 at Z2 during one of our breaks using my pink Razr phone that I wish I didn't sell. I miss my longer, semi-manageable hair and look how thin my arm was back then! I would also like to believe that I look really pretty here.

Hai. Nakakadepress kalikutin yung Multiply account ko. :|

Edit:
You know what's worse? I didn't have to try to look that way before. Ngayon todo plantsa ng buhok at make-up, parang wala paring nangyayari...

Huhu. I feel so kawawa right now...

Look-alike.

I don't know if they (meaning I forced them to) just watched a lot of G-mik back in the day or if it's true but they kept on telling me I looked like Camille Prats then. Do I? And more importantly, do I still look like her now? Because I find her pretty now...

I have the biggest hair among all the people I know (personally).

I am the only person I know that has this big, unruly hair. I don't even know what happened because when I was a baby, I looked like this:

A lot of people thought I was a baby boy because of how light my hair was. My lifelong yaya, Ate Thelma, told me that she would put gata on my hair every once in a while to make it thicker and now, I blame her for this mess:

Photo by Brianna. This is the only photo I have of my hair because I don't take photos of it really when it's all kinky.

Well, it's not entirely the gata's fault because I had my hair relaxed twice and a lot of hairstylists have been reprimanding me throughout the years about it so I guess that - plus that time I had my hair colored in college - made more damage than the gata.

Anyway, yesterday was the last straw and I thought that I needed to do something about it so I went to my mom's bathroom and went snooping around for her hot oil/moisturizer thingy but I ended up using this:

The decision to use this has got to do with that short span of time in high school before I had my hair relaxed where I couldn't take the unruliness of my hair. I used this every morning before I took a bath. I did that again and then this happened:

I'm sorry for the face. I didn't know what face to do because I was inside the freaking bathroom.

I HAVE FOUND THE CHEAPER OPTION! Wooh! I was convinced that I needed to have my hair rebonded but I love how my hair looks healthy now and best of all, BAGSAK NA SIYA! My hair doesn't look like some feather duster anymore! I did it again today and will continue doing it if it makes my hair look like this without the help of a flat iron.

Man, this post is overworked but really, really shallow. 

Shallow post of the day.

I want to go back to my first year college body.
I want to have soft, manageable and wavy hair.
I want to be a girly girl, like those bloggers I read everyday.
I want to have a lot of money because becoming a girly girl is expensive.

Will you?

Will you judge me if I told you I didn't know what my bra size is? 'Cause I totally don't.

Realization over the 5-day weekend

I only have one realization over the 5-day weekend...

Shampooing my hair once every 3 days with the 2 days washing it only with conditioner makes it smoother and more manageable.

Yeah. That's the only realization I have over the 5-day weekend.

Finally!

I'm so sorry if I seem so excited for these rather plain-looking lippies (even if I'm a self-professed tomboy) but I've been eyeing these over at Digtital Traincase's Multiply shop since forever. I always, always was a bit too late in ordering these two specific colors at their shop that I have to endure weeks (felt like months, really) of checking my Multiply account all the time when yesterday, I saw that both colors were still available:

I couldn't choose between the two (and I was getting a bit paranoid since the NYX round lipsticks in their website sell like pancakes) because I wanted both so I bought them both, which isn't too bad because one stick just cost me a hundred and fifty pesos.

(I haven't tried both of them on but once I do, I will update this post.)

Digital Traincase has all sorts of make-up and make-up paraphernalia in their Multiply shop so if you want to buy high-quality make-up for an affordable price, check their shop out. It's at http://digitaltraincase.multiply.com/.

I need motivation to lose weight.

Yas' Grad Party | Hotel Sofitel | October 2, 2008

FOTOCAM Class with Ms. Saulo | Photo Studio, M208 | Second Term, 2007

First ever class in SJ | First Term, 2005

Tambay at the Amphitheater | Taken from Cuyeg's Multiply site | January 20, 2006

Tito Jobert's 50th birthday bash | C3 Events Place, GH | May 30, 2010

Okay. Fight!

I ruined my own morning. I ain't blamin' it on nobody.

The seamstress was here a few minutes ago to alter most of my old bootleg jeans and make them skinny jeans - I realized bootlegs don't look good on me - when I asked her to take my measurements just in case she needed it. Which apparently, she doesn't. So anyway, I went on to ask her what my waistline was. Lo and behold, I added 6 FRIGGIN' CENTIMETERS to my waist. To top that off, I went on the weighing scale to torture myself even more and saw that I haven't lost half the weight I gained during my pregnancy.

I am not one to really make a fuss about the way I look (because I used to be stick thin back in high school til second year college and got that body back again in 09) and I know it's okay to gain the weight I gained and to get the inches I got now that I have this precious wittle baby girl with me but can someone actually tell me that I am fat PERIOD and not tell me that it's okay because I got pregnant just so I can have the will to actually loose all these unwanted fatSSSSS and get on with my life feeling fabulous again? I know this goes against my belief that only I can make myself do something about it but hell, this is just so depressing, I think I forgot everything I learned from the seminar.

This is the first time in a long time where I think I look good - not awesome, just good - in a photo. It's not even well-lit.

The Manor, Camp John Hay |  September 24, 2011

I have girly problems too, you know.

I had my hair cut real short last night. I mean, shorter than how I normally wear it. I was so happy, I wish all the people I know would see how good it looks.

The biggest dilemma everytime I get a haircut is whether or not to take a bath the day after I cut my hair and lose all it's blowdry goodness. But I figured I didn't have anywhere to go and anyone (important enough) to see my blowdried hair so I decided to wet my hair. Now, I'm disappointed with how it looks.

Since I couldn't just tie it now, whenever I go out, I'd have to spend more time on myself than usual. Unless I have it rebonded or relaxed. Which probably won't happen soon since I don't have the money for it.

...My. That was shallow.