Saturday, June 1, 2013

I Drive Myself Crazy (Thinking of You)

No, I am not posting lyrics or the music video of the song. It's just that these past few days, I really have been driving myself crazy thinking of College Guy.

I started my week waking up from a dream where he's so in love with me, he knocked babydaddy cold. Everyday, I hope and pray to the high heavens for some sort of interaction and/or communication to happen between the two of us. The closest thing I got to an interaction was a star on one of my posts that I know pertains to a girl from his past. This morning, I keep on checking my phone for text messages from him even if it's a long shot to actually receive a message from him and I keep on praying that when the Viber tone rings, it's him sending me a message, asking me to have a couple of beers with him. Crazy, right?

Crazier thing is I'm actually expecting him to make a move despite the fact that he doesn't like me that way. I can do the proactive thing and ask him out myself - which would probably end all the craziness in my head - but I really can't bring myself to compose that text message. The code name I gave him in college, Frustration, really is perfect when it comes to him.

Maybe I just put too much meaning on the things that have happened between us in the past: The hug, the invitations, the looks he gave his friends... Maybe there really wasn't anything there to begin with. Maybe I was just too excited with the idea that, for the first time ever in 7 years, the both of us are single at the same time.

I came to the conclusion, though, that I am just setting myself up for destruction, one that's gonna happen anytime soon if I don't stop this nonsense. I hope this little message I wrote to myself will help me quit this crazy addiction once and for all:

Note: I know I am a universe-and-law-of-attraction kind of person but I guess some things are just really not meant to be. I am realistic enough to accept that. Besides, I haven't been single in 10 years, maybe it's about time I played the field a bit... Now, where to start?

Note (again): I might be in love with him. What do you think?

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