Tuesday, January 7, 2014

The Science of Happiness - An Experiment in Gratitude

I stumbled upon this video while I was browsing through my Facebook feed just a few minutes ago (started writing this post at 12:14pm). After attending the seminar that changed my life back in 2010, I vowed to myself to read books, watch shows and click on links that I know will uplift my spirits so I did just that; I clicked on the link. A few seconds into the video, I thought "Ay, alam ko na'to" but after watching the whole video, I can't help but tear up a bit and feel all happy(/ier?) than I already am and I suddenly felt the need to express my gratitude towards this specific person. So now, I will be doing what the "happy scientist" suggested by the end of the video: I will be writing about that person who gave a huge contribution to who I am now and how I see myself most of the time: My Tatay.

For the record, I don't have the guts to actually tell what I'm about to write to him over the phone, let alone in person so I just hope he stumbles upon this post somehow...

The person who's made the biggest impact in my life is my Tatay. He's been my rock for as long as I can remember. There has been a lot - and I mean A LOT - of times when I have disappointed him - I know because he makes the disappointment known - but at the end of the day, he's the first person who makes me feel loved despite everything. He talks about me (and my little accomplishments) with pride to practically everyone who's willing to listen - and with me in the same area, within earshot - which really means a lot especially to someone who's been struggling with her self-esteem for the most part of her life (quite ironic with the whole idea of this small project but there's a back story I'm not willing to go into...not right now, anyway). He always, always gives me a pat on the back whenever I did a job, no matter how small, well done which never fails to send a warm feeling in my chest.
He never interferes whenever I have a confrontation with my mom - which I always lose in because, well, "I'm just a kid" - but when I make a strong point, he's the person who acknowledges it.
He might not be in favor of a lot of my choices and he always gives me a piece of his mind in his scary, angry voice but once I make the decision, whether it favors him or not, he supports me with it (but not without getting the cold treatment haha!). Not just the para masabi lang support that most parents tend to give their children but real support wherein I don't hear any sumbat after I suffer the consequences he told me about in the first place. He helps me pick up the pieces of whatever's broken but just hands them to me, to make me figure out how I should piece them all back together myself (which I really appreciate 'cause that's how I want things to be in the first place). And if ever I finally made the right decision, I can feel the pride and the happiness radiating from him even if he has his poker face on and he remains silent for the most part. He might not say it but I feel loved with every "'Nak" uttered and every little smile sent my way.
I'd be lucky to find a partner who's half the man my Tatay is. I think that when that person comes, he'd know the man's right for me, too. I mean, parents have that kind of instinct, right?
I love my Tatay so much even though I don't say it much (I don't think I've ever said it to his face) and practically everyone knows how I'm a self-proclaimed Daddy's Girl even if he never made us, his kids, feel like he has a favorite among us. Bakit ba? Feeling ko lang naman yun and I'm pretty sure my sister feels the same way, too.

I've never teared up that much for a blog entry before but I really feel good right now. I started 2014 with gratitude and I know it's still too early to tell but as I've said in my Instagram post, so far, so damn good. This Science of Happiness thing is true. I encourage everyone to try it. :)

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