Wednesday, August 7, 2013


I know I've been pretty confident with my decision to live the single life after a very long time and with a toddler in tow but there are times - like now - when I doubt myself. It's not because I am regretting the last relationship I was in because, really, that relationship was one huge trainwreck I was so lucky to survive. No, the doubt stems from the idea of Brianna growing up with just me. There's nothing really wrong with that if you think about it but growing up with a complete set of parents, I feel I'm depriving her of...something. Like, I can try everything to be a "complete set" but at the end of the day, I won't be able to give her everything that she needs.

BUT - and a big but, at that! - I'd rather try to get her to understand why I needed to make that decision than have her experience it. Yes, her dad might be exerting some kind of effort now but I definitely am not falling for it the way everyone at our house seems to be falling for it. I've been there: the gifts, the sweet words, the "attention"... and then nothing at all. Add that to all the hurtful words and accusations that made me feel like I was a worthless piece of dog poo... No freakin' way, man. You're gonna have to kill me first before you can get my daughter to experience that kind of pain; and from a person who's supposed to be taking care of her, no less. No, thanks.

Now, that's really therapeutic (for a lack of a better term). I don't doubt myself anymore. Cool.

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