This is the shallowest blog post I will ever publish.

Believe me, people, I will not disappoint.

Growing up, I was led to believe that I was pretty. Everyone - literally, everyone - liked me. Like-liked me. Neighbors, classmates, schoolmates, churchmates... I don't know what it was. Maybe I was just raised in a small enough community which didn't really produce movie stars but back then, when someone didn't like me, like me, I would shrug it off and say "meh, baka mahilig sa pangit."

Highschool was pretty much the same, with both boys and girls courting me even with the knowledge that I was with someone. Same with college. I had a blast going out on dates during those rare times I was single.

Now, nothing. I feel so harassed with everything. I am roughly 20 pounds overweight. I am so damn tired of everything all the freakin' time. I sometimes even get the feeling that my very own boyfriend don't find me pretty enough. Yes, the same guy who's been infatuated with me since second grade, that guy.

I don't know what it is. I should really work on this self-confidence thing if I want to Alice Dixon my way into old age... Right?! Alice Dixon?! My god, that woman's got it going on!

Feels.

On the Wings of Love is ending tonight. JaDine finally revealed that they've been #TeamReal for quite a while now. That Araneta wedding playing over and over again in my head.

The feels.

Just. Too. Much.

I've never fallen in love with a Filipino loveteam since Carlo Aquino and Angelica Panganiban and I'm feeling things all over again.

I'm coming out.

I'm a JaDine fan.

As in legit-fangirling-whenever-I-see-them-anywhere JaDine fan. Not really on the same level as those fans who follow them literally everywhere, but still a fan. Proud of what they're achieving now and totes not bitter-ing all over the place since James said "Nadine... I love you" in Araneta. Wow. Feels good to be a "matured" fangirl.

This story from the DLSU-M Secret Files Facebook page sounds too familiar...

I Drive Myself Crazy (Thinking of You)

No, I am not posting lyrics or the music video of the song. It's just that these past few days, I really have been driving myself crazy thinking of College Guy.

I started my week waking up from a dream where he's so in love with me, he knocked babydaddy cold. Everyday, I hope and pray to the high heavens for some sort of interaction and/or communication to happen between the two of us. The closest thing I got to an interaction was a star on one of my posts that I know pertains to a girl from his past. This morning, I keep on checking my phone for text messages from him even if it's a long shot to actually receive a message from him and I keep on praying that when the Viber tone rings, it's him sending me a message, asking me to have a couple of beers with him. Crazy, right?

Crazier thing is I'm actually expecting him to make a move despite the fact that he doesn't like me that way. I can do the proactive thing and ask him out myself - which would probably end all the craziness in my head - but I really can't bring myself to compose that text message. The code name I gave him in college, Frustration, really is perfect when it comes to him.

Maybe I just put too much meaning on the things that have happened between us in the past: The hug, the invitations, the looks he gave his friends... Maybe there really wasn't anything there to begin with. Maybe I was just too excited with the idea that, for the first time ever in 7 years, the both of us are single at the same time.

I came to the conclusion, though, that I am just setting myself up for destruction, one that's gonna happen anytime soon if I don't stop this nonsense. I hope this little message I wrote to myself will help me quit this crazy addiction once and for all:

Note: I know I am a universe-and-law-of-attraction kind of person but I guess some things are just really not meant to be. I am realistic enough to accept that. Besides, I haven't been single in 10 years, maybe it's about time I played the field a bit... Now, where to start?

Note (again): I might be in love with him. What do you think?

I'll forever want to live in the South...

I know that most people in the South only considers BF Parañaque and Alabang area as South but it isn't so. I am quite annoyed by this but them rich kids want the title all to themselves, making the term "taga-South" leave a quite negative impression (e.g. connio, rich kid, sosyal, Inglisero/a, etc).

Anyway, despite the negative connotation, I still want to live there. I know I said somewhere in this blog that I've changed my mind when it comes to living and building a family in the South but a quick visit to the place brings back all the love I have for the place. I was there last weekend and I've spent time with old friends in a cemetery and I couldn't be happier. We didn't drink nor did we eat but we spent 6 hours talking about anything and everything and smoking the occasional cigarette and I had the grandest time.

Then we went to BF for a family thing Sunday morning and I can't help but get all warm inside while I took in all of the establishments and houses I saw. If you don't know it yet, I've always wanted to live inside that gated community and study in either Beda or Zobel but as you all know, that didn't happen. 15 years after, I still dream to own a house inside BF despite the horrible traffic situation in President's Ave., Aguirre and Elizalde but it's now Brianna I want to send to Zobel or Beda (Manre, Ann Arbor and Marymount are now added to the list because let's admit it: Di na biro magpaaral ng bata ngayon). My tita offering a room in her house for us just adds fuel to the flame.

All of my closest friends are in that area, as well as people I never want to hear of and from again but that doesn't stop me from wanting to grow old there. Now, where to find a man who either lives there or would be willing to live there for the rest of his life?

Hey, You.

Photo from Post Secret

Migraine.

"Nahihilo, nalilito... Asan  ba'ko sa'yo? Aasa ba'ko sa'yo?"

I really love Moonstar88's Migraine. I love those three lines especially because they capture everything that I want to ask two guys in (?) my life right now but the questions, of course, are of different context.

Anyway, the whole song, I want to ask one of the two guys. Go figure.

Desperadoooow...

I did something I'm not proud of and now, I don't think I will be able to look straight into certain people's eyes anymore.

I should really start with this detox thing. It's been some 5-6 years now, it's about time I got it outta my system...

Ang hirap mag-move on sa katawan ni Daniel Craig.

Watching Skyfall is one of the worse decisions I've done this month not because I didn't enjoy the (plot of the) movie but because I am having a hard time moving on from this:

I didn't even understand the deal with the crazy guy and why he wanted to kill the head of MI6. I just focused on Daniel Craig's body like it were the best thing that happened to the 007 saga.

I have a confession to make.

Confession: I CANNOT, FOR THE LIFE OF ME, COOK.

Yes, I cannot cook. At all. I know how to cook rice using a rice cooker. I know how to make instant pancit canton, too, but that's about it. So yesterday for early dinner, - I don't eat after 6pm - I decided to make myself a meal. Actually, it's not really cooking because it's just Hamsilog (Ham, egg and fried rice) but heck, I'm still too proud of my achievement! It's a start, right?

Sorry na, I really don't know how to cook. The yaya even laughed at me when I was happily eating my meal. Malamang, I'm the only one who's gonna appreciate the food I cooked, right? Love your own! Haha!

Watching Hell's Kitchen makes me want to unleash the Barefoot Contessa in me.

For the past week, I've been watching Hell's Kitchen, thanks to my Kumareng Kat's tweets. Besides the frequent bleeps and the harassed contestants, I enjoy watching them cook. Actually, Hell's Kitchen isn't the only cooking show I watch. Iron Chef America, Everyday Italian and Barefoot Contessa are among the shows I normally watch.

For those of you who don't know, I don't cook. I can fry but I cannot, for the life of me, cook. Sometimes, I don't think I actually want to learn how to. Main reason being it's so hot and humid in the kitchen. I can't even take the weather in the Philippines let alone stay in a hot, small, cramped space for a couple of hours to actually cook. But I really, honestly want to learn how to cook. And bake.

That's probably the reason why I want a huge and clean kitchen for my house. I don't want a dirty kitchen for my house. Not really a fan of dirty kitchens. It kinda feel fake, having a pristine one and a dirty one. Plus, I don't like anything dirty, being the OC that I am. I want one kitchen where I (or my husband) will cook.

I will probably teach myself to cook. Or ask someone really really patient (a.k.a. not Bry) to teach me. Or maybe I should ask Bry to actually teach me. We'll be like Hell's Kitchen everyday. "YES CHEF! I UNDERSTAND CHEF!"

Period.

After one year, I finally have my period again. Which kinda suck because now, I have to worry about getting pregnant again not getting tagos all over my bedsheets again.

Yeah. That's just about it.

Not really. I'm just bummed I/we didn't take advantage of those times I/we didn't have to worry about getting me pregnant.

And yes, I need to get me some SOON! I sound desperate, I know, but going on "solo flight" isn't half as good as the real thing.

Note: This is the longest I've gone without it since 2003.

After years of denying it to myself and everyone else, I am now coming clean.

I KINDA SORTA SOME KINDOVA

LIKE RIHANNA.

There, I said it.

I've found myself watching this.

I "started" watching this a few days ago, when Mula Sa Puso started. I know I said I didn't like Koreanovelas because they act...weird. They're like Bobby Andrews in Mara Clara. Their faces seem to be botox-ed from the nose up. The only part of their face that moves are their lips. And for the most part, I think they all look alike so I find it awkward watching them.

So imagine my surprise when I found myself laughing while watching yesterday's episode. It wasn't that funny but I laughed! And a while ago, I finally gave up restraining myself from actually enjoying a Koreanovela.

This is just another one of those moments where I ate what I said.

The only thing I am holding on to right now is the fact that I once want us and our little family to happen.

Does having a kid with the guy I am with mean I shouldn't be oogling about other guys anymore?

Not in a sexual manner, though... It's just that I have all the time in the world to stalk some people on Facebook. Some people meaning people I had a past relationship with, officially or not, and people I had a huge, huge crush on (and lust for) before and hot dang, most of them got HHHHHNNNNNGGGGG hotter than I could ever remember.

Trying to blog using the iTouch.

There are currently two job opportunities being thrown my way as I'm typing this but I had to turn down both because first, the stitches in my belly are still sore and second, no one will take care of my baby if I'm not in the house. Though I told them to call me again next month for another schedule of interview with them because honestly, this has been my goal since I graduated college so I am not letting the opportunity pass. I'd be a fool to let this pass, seriously. It's like letting go of the one true love of my life.

Ermmm, yeah.

Ohmygosh, I had this biggest crush on this barkada of miiiiiine!

With Papa Monch at the Pecaoco's last May 13, 2007.

Cleaning my Multiply account reminded me that I used to have this not-so-little crush on Carlo Cruz.