Brain Dump.

I am a hopeless romantic and last night, I realized that there's a reason behind it: I've always wanted to become a wife. Even when I was younger, I went on dates with the thought that I might be spending my life with the person I am meeting for the very first time. It's always been that way.

I started dating in 2002, when a friend tagged me along a date with her boyfriend so the boyfriend's buddy would have someone to talk to. We ended up going on 3 dates but, even if he's so obnoxious (that time), that I wanted to smack his head to his coffee, I still fantasized about how we'd spend lazy Sunday afternoons together.

The only exception for this I-think-I-wanna-marry-you mentality was probably when I dated my block mate but even then, we ended up dating for a full year.

Going out of topic but bottom-line is that I've always wanted to be a wife. I think believe I function better emotionally? psychologically? mentally? when I'm part of a "we" instead of just being on my own…which I've learned to accept. I'm not cut out to be Miss Independent. I get it.

*******

Reason for that's most probably because I love doing the support thing most…which might be rebutted by at least 2 people who have called me contradicting.

*******

I apparently have lost the ability to express my love, care, and concern. For the record, I blame the babydaddy. For now, I have to push myself to be that annoying girlfriend I once was again.

*******

I am possessive beyond belief and I get crazy-jealous. As in CUHRAYZEE-jealous. I forgot how severe these…diseases are and they're taking too much work on my boyfriend's end. Yes, this early.

*******

Despite all this, though, I am quite lucky to have a guy who's patience, understanding, and love know no boundaries. I know he's got limits (contradicting nanaman. That's the reason why I was dubbed "walking contradiction" by a college friend) and I'm not stupid enough to push them and that is why I will try to become a better partner for him.

*******

Blah blah blah, those words don't mean anything, I know, but I'm having a hard time showing how I'm feeling. Thanks to 7 years of practice with College Guy.

*******

(Hahahahahahaha! Sinisi lahat sa lalaki.)

*******

Relationship also suffering from missing each other so much. What is clingy?

******

I want to move out. Seriously. Ironically, the want peaked at the height of the storm yesterday. I want to know how I'll react to something like that whilst caring for a hyperactive kid. (Whilst talaga?)

*******

For some reason, my mind goes back to that one day in September last year. I wonder why.

*******

I definitely need to stop smoking. I have every reason to but I don't believe I have the discipline to actually do it but I will do it…after this last cigarette pack I have with me now.

*******

I'm thinking of getting an actual office job but all the jobs I want requires me to relocate to the South. Great for me but I guess I have to wait for Brianna to finish this academic year before I move although I really, really, really want it to happen now.

*******

I should update my iPod playlist now but it's too tedious a task, I'm getting lazy just by thinking about it.

*******

First of all, there's no sea anywhere near Cainta. Second, I don't want to live there. Yun lang naman apila ko dito. Hahahahaha!

You see, I'm running out of things to do online so I've been taking all kinds of tests posted on my Facebook timeline…even those with jeje graphics.

*******

I want to do and be a lot of things lately and my save-up-for-the-future deadline is coming in full speed which explains the anxiety I've been having these past few days.

Proof of how awesome God and the Universe are.

I tweeted these a few days ago:

And you know what God and the Universe gave me just a few hours ago? A full-time, homebased job with a freakin' book publisher! How cool are God and the Universe? If that's not gonna make you believe that some cosmic being is on our beck and call, I don't know what will.

Unemployed.

So right this very moment, I am unemployed. Long story short, the company I am working for as a senior content writer just decided to cut its whole employee list off and not even pay them for the things they've worked on from October 16 til last Friday. It's kinda depressing, yes, but I won't let it get to me that much.

I am currently looking for a (homebased) job so if you need a web content writer/virtual assistant, I will be willing to apply for the post.

Trying to blog using the iTouch.

There are currently two job opportunities being thrown my way as I'm typing this but I had to turn down both because first, the stitches in my belly are still sore and second, no one will take care of my baby if I'm not in the house. Though I told them to call me again next month for another schedule of interview with them because honestly, this has been my goal since I graduated college so I am not letting the opportunity pass. I'd be a fool to let this pass, seriously. It's like letting go of the one true love of my life.

Ermmm, yeah.