This really makes me think whenever I see it.

(Yeah, I have an actual blog entry for this in my head right now but I am too sleepy to write it all down. Hopefully, I still have it when I wake up a few hours from now.)

I'm sorry, Jordan 11, I want this, too.

So I saw this black-toed Jordan 1 on the Chups Shop website and thought I want it for my birthday, too. But since I still am a single mom who's yet to have her own business, this, once again, goes to the vision board.

Reasons why I am so freakin' pissed off tonight.

Disclaimer: This is a very self-centered, narcissistic, unbelievably shallow post that I just need to let out because I am brimming with negative energy right now and that can't be because long weekend.

• I am currently home despite the many attempts to cook something up with friends tonight. Three groups of friends. Nada.
• I don't have anyone else to talk to right this very minute - not that I have something interesting to say - because most of my friends are either asleep or are out with other friends that aren't me.
• The people who are available tonight are asking me to travel all the way to Paranaque for a couple of drinks which, while possible, isn't really convenient plus how the hell am I gonna go home from there?Yes, we do have two houses there but Brianna isn't in any of those houses so no. And yes, it takes conditioning for me to leave Brianna at home for one whole day so spontaneous sleepovers/all-nighters are not options.
• I cannot smoke 'cause my mom's here and I won't hear the end of it.
• I cannot drink because today has got to be the one day when there's no beer in the fridge and the stores close early.
• I've been in the house for twelve straight days due to Brianna's fever/cough/colds episode and the habagat, Maring and I'm really bored okay!!!
• I work from home so weekdays are spent, still, at home, seeing the faces I see every damn day. Don't get me wrong; I am thankful everyone's here and safe and healthy and all but come freakin' on, I need to see other people, too, to keep my sanity intact!
• I'm so burnt out from all the mommy duties I've been fulfilling these past few days, I'm starting to snap on my daughter, which is really, really bad.
• I just want to drink with friends tonight and relax for a bit, damn it, and I freakin' can't!

(I usually go bananas when I don't get my regular dose of alcohol. I might be going back to that dark place again so why don't you be a pal and send me some beer over here. What do you say?)

I always forget how serious it got.

#LaslasNaFriend

Yet another depressing song c/o the Philippine music industry.

Malas mo, ikaw ang natipuhan ko...

"Di mo lang alam ako'y iyong nasaktan o baka sakali lang maisip mo naman puro siya na lang; sana ako naman..."

I love the fact that there are a lot of OPM songs that are about being friendzoned.

Yes, I'm a virgin...

Donation virgin, that is.

I haven't donated money on my own since I started working in 2009. Yeah, I did churches, fundraising concerts/bingos/bazaars and street children but this time, it's the big leagues and I'm just proud of myself for doing it.

I don't have much and donating the amount I donated, well, let's just say I gotta work more hours to get it back but honestly, it felt great!

I don't know if this is some kind of unconditional love gesture kind of thing but I know what these people are going through with the Maring aftermath. I've been in that same position 4 years ago: No place to stay, no change of clothes, nowhere to get food, no water... I wouldn't even wish for those things to happen to my enemies, no matter how much I hate dislike them. It's just an unfortunate position to be in. Being able to help them stand up from where they are now in my own little way...well, that's just priceless.

PS. I would've volunteered, too, if I wanted to but I have things to attend to ie. my sick daughter.

PPS. I'm sorry if this comes across as being full of myself but I'm just proud I did it, okay. This is me, patting myself on the back for a job well done.

Vision Board-ing

While the whole of Metro Manila panics because of water rising, I was making my vision board. Call me selfish but I don't think panicking will actually help the water to subside so I might as well do something 'productive' with my time online.

Presenting, my (updated) vision board:

Used vision board-making site, http://www.oprah.com/packages/o-dream-board.html.

0906-Bootycall

You'd think that a message like this would offend me but it actually wouldn't. I know it's sick but it boosts my self-esteem off the charts. Like, someone actually wants to get with post-pregnancy me.

PS. It might seem like an innocent message but I've known this guy since 2nd year high school and boy do I know what his "Still up?" messages mean.

PPS. No, in all those 10 years, I haven't gotten with the guy but not because I wasn't attracted to him. It's just that, well, I haven't been single in 10 years. That is, until now...

PPPS. He's also persistent. He booty texts/calls me every so often except when he got himself a girlfriend, which was last year. Anyway, we meet up every once in a while but nothing really happens. We just have coffee or watch a movie. Kunwaring pa-wholesome ba.

The only item on my birthday wishlist this year.

These babies are the only things I want for my birthday this year:

But since I am a single, work-from-home mom who's yet to own a business of her own, I'll just post this on my vision wall first.

My overly-emotional mind needs answers!

• Can he be more inconsistent?
• Why are you doing all of these now that there's nothing to do them for anymore?
• Do I still know how to kiss?
• Why doesn't he like me - like me?
• Do I still know how to...well...you know...?
• Why am I thinking of giving him, well, that thing guys like that girls hate doing?
• Can you just stop bugging me?
• Do I really need more friends?
• How should I tell my folks about the break-up?
• Why can't he just let it go? Him, too?
• Will he ever move on from her?
• Is there a chance in the high heavens for him and me to happen?
• Am I really just setting myself up for disappointment?
• Am I really not ready for anything or am I just preventing for a major heartbreak to happen?

Someone's getting desperate...

I have officially met the biggest tattletale I will ever know.

You know what's funny, though?

He's a dude.

You know what's funnier than that?

He's 10 years my senior.

Patay kung patay.

I know this is a cheesy late 90s/early 2000 song and it's not exactly the best boy band song ever but it captures what I'm going through right now:


PS. My heart was literally hurting while this was playing. Totoong literally ah, not Robin Scherbatsky-literally.

Doubt.

I know I've been pretty confident with my decision to live the single life after a very long time and with a toddler in tow but there are times - like now - when I doubt myself. It's not because I am regretting the last relationship I was in because, really, that relationship was one huge trainwreck I was so lucky to survive. No, the doubt stems from the idea of Brianna growing up with just me. There's nothing really wrong with that if you think about it but growing up with a complete set of parents, I feel I'm depriving her of...something. Like, I can try everything to be a "complete set" but at the end of the day, I won't be able to give her everything that she needs.

BUT - and a big but, at that! - I'd rather try to get her to understand why I needed to make that decision than have her experience it. Yes, her dad might be exerting some kind of effort now but I definitely am not falling for it the way everyone at our house seems to be falling for it. I've been there: the gifts, the sweet words, the "attention"... and then nothing at all. Add that to all the hurtful words and accusations that made me feel like I was a worthless piece of dog poo... No freakin' way, man. You're gonna have to kill me first before you can get my daughter to experience that kind of pain; and from a person who's supposed to be taking care of her, no less. No, thanks.







Now, that's really therapeutic (for a lack of a better term). I don't doubt myself anymore. Cool.

Bukas Na Lang Kita Mamahalin FULL Trailer

I was one of the chosen few to post about the Bukas Na Lang Kita Mamahalin full trailer and I couldn't be more ecstatic! For one, I watch a lot of teleseryes and having the opportunity to watch the full trailer of an upcoming teleserye such as BNLKM ahead of other people is just so exciting for me. Plus, if you know me well enough, you'd know how I've always wanted to work for ABS-CBN so this is, in a way, "working for them".

Anyway, I know why you're here and it's not to read me babble on and on about myself. Without further ado, I present to you the Bukas Na Lang Kita Mamahalin full trailer.


And can I just say I LOVE YOU DAWN ZULUETA! Walang kupas ang kagandahan!

Palate cleanser

Can we just stop with all the seriousness for just a couple of hours minutes and just stare at the amazing man in the photo?

Photo from Kean Cipriano's Facebook fan page

Excited much?

Okay, for the record, I totally hate it when people add "much" to whatever it is they want to say but for the sake of this blog entry, I'm putting it there. Plus, I really am that much excited, okay?

It's about my birthday salubong this September. See? Still one long month (and a half) before my birthday comes but I'm already thinking about it. Like where I'm going to celebrate it and who I'm going to invite and all that. I don't have much of a budget - and friends, for that matter - so I don't know why I'm making a big deal out of this particular birthday. Maybe because it's my 25th birthday and that I'm sending Brianna to school next year, I don't know...

I just want him to be there. That's all. My girlfriends, him, beers and finger food on my birthday salubong (my birthday this year falls on a Sunday). That's it. Okay, maybe a slice of blueberry cheesecake would be nice but that's it. I'm not really someone who is fond of huge celebrations, anyway, so a chill nightout with the people I want to be with is enough.

An actual tugstugs nightout sounds good, too, but the music kids listen to nowadays makes my ears bleed so no thanks...unless it's, like, a throwback kind of night at the clubs where they play hiphop and RnB music from 5-13 years ago but until then, I'm settling with a chill nightout with friends.