I WANT THIS FOR JELLYBEAN! Somebody get this for me... HER! :D

People are so funny.

I saw people posting online how they wanted to kill the lone winner of the Php700+ M jackpot prize of the Grand Lotto just 'cause they wanted the money to themselves.

You know what's funnier?

DI MAN LANG SILA TUMAYA, ANGAL SILA NG ANGAL.

I wanted to give a sermon that tells them that they were the ones who are responsible of their destinies (i.e. winning the lottery) but I don't think they would understand.

Yes, I have that prejudice over people. I shall get rid of it soon.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can and the wisdom to know it's me.

(Reinhold Neibuhr, The Serenity Prayer)

*Like*

But there's also the impression that Ale isn't the least bit worried. Maybe it's the new philosophy. It just struck me that she knows what to do after.

From http://upperblog.blogspot.com/2010/11/say-hello-to-jellybean.html

I am convinced that this mind thing really works.

I was thinking of asking a friend from college to (photo) shoot me while I am pregnant for months now, actually. Only problem I had was I thought she was too busy so I didn't tell her yet that I am pregnant.

A few hours ago, she told me she knew from a friend that I was pregnant and told me she wanted to do a photo shoot with me before I was due.

I wasn't even the one who asked her to have that photo shoot. I was just thinking of asking her then before I had the chance to, she volunteered herself!

Wow. This is really, really... WOW! The power of the mind... WHEW!

Hopefully, everyone gets to use their minds to turn their lives around ASAP so the world will be a better place to live in.

Now, to use this power on Lotto! ☺

I just realized...

I am part of Batch 240 of the PSI Basic Seminar.

My anniversary with Bry is February (2) 4, 2010...

Wala lang.

Maiconnect lang. Hahaha! :))

To mi bebe...

You make momma happy

by making waves in her tummy. ☺

How ironic...

I posted this status in Facebook just a couple of hours ago (Facebook says 19 hours ago but I can't be sure) and now, I am here at home, SULKING, 'cause I should be want to be someplace else - someplace where I am with my boyfriend and a couple of friends with beers, cigarettes and jazz music - but the responsible, mommy voice inside my head asked me to stay home instead.

I know this shouldn't be hard considering the condition I am in but still! I've decided since last week that I will be there only to change my mind the last minute. Masama pa sa loob ko yung pagpalit ko ng decision... which shouldn't be the case because it's for my bebe anyway BUT STILL! (Ayaw talaga palampasin...)

THINK POSITIVE, ALE! ☺
This shouldn't be that much of a dilemma to you. You are doing the right thing.
If it is really that hard, you already need to re-audit.

This seminar changed how I look at life. Seriously.

To tell anyone honestly, I didn't want to take this seminar before. I resisted like hell. You should ask the people who invited me countless of times to attend even just the 'coffee' session, which was an orientation to the seminar itself.

On November 12th, I've finally decided to attend a coffee session happening at the Soliman Corporate Center in Pasong Tamo just 'cause I got tired staying in at home, doing nothing. Besides, I missed the people who invited me. I listened to the people who conducted the orientation and the people who shared their experiences with the seminar. I have to admit I became curious. I wanted to get everything that I ever wanted. I wanted to break free from my programs and my prejudices. I wanted change. I NEEDED change.

That was when I've finally decided to attend the seminar. I didn't have cash with me (plus I don't have work anymore so I really didn't have the money) so I borrowed money from Bry and my previous boss, Ms. Mares, 'cause it felt like I had to take the seminar right away not just for me but for Bry and my baby.

Last Thursday, we started with the first session of the seminar and can I just say that on that first night, I literally had that Ta-Da! moment already and I already can't thank the one who persisted in asking me to join enough. That first night was a total eye-opener.

The seminar lasted 'til Sunday and those 4 magical days totally changed my outlook in life. There's so much love and positivity inside my heart and my mind that nobody and NOTHING can change my mood.

If we were to win the Lotto draw tonight, I am going to enroll everyone I know to the next PSI Basic batch because I want them to feel the happiness and the impact of the seminar that I felt each night I walked out of the Soliman Corporate Center. I want everyone to be at their greatest!

But since the draw isn't until 9pm tonight, all I can do is invite everyone to the join the PSI Basic Batch 241. Here are the details:

PSI Leadership Success Seminar

Batch 241

January 27-31, 2011

Soliman Corporate Center

Php 11,088.00 (VAT inclusive)

Take responsibility of your own life.

Enroll now!

After all that positivity, I suddenly felt...

JEALOUS.

And jealousy is such an ugly emotion. Really. It is.

I was going through the Facebook account of my ex-boyfriend and felt just that while I was browsing through his photos. Now, I am not jealous of his new girl. Not that. I felt a tad bit jealous of how he treats her.

I have a lot going for me right now, though.

(Taken October 22, 2010 at The Medical City, Pasig City)

 

I have a pretty baby girl growing inside of me and I am loving every minute of the kicks and the waves my tummy is doing.

(Taken January 25, 2010 at The Lion's Den)

I have a loving and very responsible husband-to-be that has been supporting me and understanding me through this.

(Taken by Celize Inocencio, December 23, 2008 at Baba Pelaez's place)

(Taken by Chino Miranda, January 22, 2010 at Timezone, Glorietta 4)

(Taken at Rich Sants' place at Brgy. San Antonio, Sucat)

(Taken by Karl Tantuico, January 3, 2009 at JayJ's, Oritgas Home Depot)

 (Taken January 15, 2010 at Stone House, Tomas Morato cor. E. Rod)

I have crazy friends who have been putting up to how I am and accepted me through all these years.

(Taken by Dhang De Castro, November 23, 2010 at Soliman Corporate Center, Pasong Tamo)

I have a new set of friends who were once strangers but are now very supportive of my goals in life.

(Taken July 12, 2009 at Days Hotel, Tagaytay)

I have a crazy family that will support me no matter what happens.

That's when I realized I need not be jealous.

I have everything I could ever hope for. ☺

My Micro Buddies (PSI Basic 240)

♥

Still on a high.

I am still on a high from that seminar I attended. It was a 4-day seminar in Pasong Tamo called PSI Leadership Success Seminar and it is the best thing that has happened to me... Next to Bry and Jellybean, of course.

I love how positivity and love exist in this rather negative (depends on how you look at it) world. There's so much to be thankful for!

I literally felt the heat radiate through my body in the duration of the seminar. Love and positivity now fills my whole being.

I LOVE THIS FEELING OF POSITIVITY! I WILL STAY HERE FOREVER!

I AM GREAT!

I am the best mom to my daughter!

I am the most faithful wife to Bry!

I am the most loving Ate to my siblings!

I am the most loving daughter to my parents!

I AM GREAT! ☺

Status of first oDesk job: DONE!

Last night, I finished my first job at oDesk. I was working with this German lady who resides in the United States and is conducting all kinds of seminars (e.g. live seminars, webinars, teleseminars, etc.) and I had to transcribe one of her teleseminars for her.

For my first project, it was okay. It was rather easy for me. I didn't have to think. AT ALL. Which kinda sucked a bit but I had to start somewhere. I am not that confident yet when it comes to my writing and selling skills so I decided to play it safe and apply for something so clerical.

Anyway, my client was really nice to work with. She's really pleasant although she's kuripot. But I am not complaining. It is my first job, anyway. Break-in, kumbaga.

Today, I got my first ever paycheck in oDesk. At first, my client was asking me how she'd pay me. Which is kind of weird because she's the employer and I'm the contractor.  But I helped her through it (Pogi points. *wink*); and there it was... My first online paycheck.

All in all, my first experience with oDesk and it's employers was pleasant. I hope all of the employers there are nice to work with but not that cheap. I will be applying for jobs that will require thinking soon. Right now, I should be getting ready for the seminar I will be attending.

I am on my Odesk break right now.

I just finished dinner and now, I am surfing the net and not doing my work for a client. Then I realized a while ago that even though my deadline's at the end of the week pa, I should finish this by Wednesday because I will be attending that leadership seminar in PSI on Thursday and it will last 'til Sunday meaning I won't have time then to finish this.

Okay, I know that my job right now is as easy as hell that a sixth-grader can do it but the way she speaks is kind of hard to comprehend. She's German and she eats some of her words. It is very easy talking to her (perhaps, 'cause we talk via chat only) but you know she means business.

Meaning I should be getting back to my work so I can finish on time.

I'm sorry!

I poked Jellybean with my college diploma and she kicked me.

Mommy's sorry, angel!

I think I just got my first job at Odesk.

My previous boss told me that it took her almost 3 months before she got an answer from the employers. I got mine in two days! This made me excited to find more jobs at Odesk! Even Jellybean is excited for her momma (she's been kicking since after I read the message)! Thank you, Lord! ☺

Edit: I will find more jobs at Odesk in the morning. For now, I shall sleep.

My post-pregnancy bod... (To think is to create)

My post-pregnancy bod.

It's official.

Yes, I've finally attended one of those "coffee sessions" my officemates have been raving about since God-knows-when. They've been forcing me to attend the session as an intro to PSI Leadership Seminar. Or as how they call it, PSI Basic.

Basically, it was a sneak peak of what will be happening in the PSI Basic seminar that will be held Thursday to Sunday next week. Why it's called "coffee session", I don't know either.

So anyway, my boss and my boyfriend (WTF, I was about to spell 'paid' as 'payed') paid for the seminar fee but not after Bry and I started snapping at each other ('cause that's how we are with each other).

I like the whole idea of attending this seminar except for one thing: The 3rd day falls on the 20th which is Bry's birthday. He said it's all good but I feel walang kwenta for not being there on his birthday. Guess I'll just have to make it up to him the weekend after PSI.

Anyway, this seminar's supposed to help me decide and get what I want (e.g. marry Bry and actually live with him just in time for Jellybean's arrival). Hope this really helps me.

I've been really thankful lately...

Why?

Because I have a very healthy body (surprisingly) and a very healthy baby girl.

I've heard news about friends being pregnant as well but unfortunately for them, they need to be on bed rest in the duration of their pregnancy. Me? I have the freedom to do whatever I want (just as long as I don't abuse my body and no alcohol and cigarettes).

I'm really thankful.

And I'm praying for my friends who need to stay in bed all the time.

I decided to clean our school supplies cabinet yesterday...

(L-R): Ipamimigay, Itatago, Itatapon.

 We have a lot of these La Salle long white envelops and I dunno why.

Our school supplies cabinet can pass as a branch of National Bookstore. Seriously.

What I like and what I don't like...

I've been craving for doughnuts - Choco Frosted from Dunkin' Donuts to be specific - since they day we knew. What really surprised me are the scents I want and don't want to smell.

1. I used to like this Dolce & Gabana scent but now, it just smells like old lady to me. What's worse is my brother's girlfriend wears that exact same scent. Now, whenever she's here, I just want to throw her out of the house.
2. I feel weirded out by this: I sometimes like the smell of smoke. Smoke as in yosi. Weird, right? No bias and all...
3. I also feel weirded out by this: I don't like the smell of alcohol. Alcohol as in alak. WHATISHAPPENINGTOME?! Alcohol has been running in through my veins for the longest time and I LOVE the smell of post-inuman on a person and now, I can't stand smelling it even for just a second.

Cravings? Not so weird. What I don't like to smell? Damn weird.

Oh my...

Damn. Due date is nearing and I honestly am scared. Don't get me wrong, though. I can't wait to finally meet my little girl but I can't help but be scared terrified of what will happen.

First of all, I don't have any ideas about raising a child. All I have is the knowledge of how I wanted to grow up. That's it. I don't even know how to carry a small child. I always get this vision in my head that I might drop the little thing or that I might be hurting the kid. It's just scary.

Second, I don't think my character and personality is tailored fit to raise a child. I am childish, selfish and most of the time, reckless so I don't know how I'll get by.

Third, I am terrified of the idea that I might be raising her wrong. I might miss something or not know something that she might blame me in the end. I wouldn't know it in the process. Malalaman ko nalang pag anjan na.

Lastly, I am scared. Just plain scared. I don't know what the future will hold. That scares the hell out of me.

All I can do is live one day at a time and pray my hardest that she grows up well.

I want these flowers on my beach wedding.

Sakto lang sa kadramahan ko.

FOREVER wish list for my boyfriend... (Long-ass entry)

Okay, like in every status feed of my social media accounts, I would like to start this entry off by saying that:

I woke up COMPLAINING and wanting things IN MY HEAD. Good Wednesday morning.

*insert sarcasm here*

For the past few days I've been trying to be numb and/or unaffected by the bad things happening in my life (e.g. super busy boyfriend) and long story short, I'm failing.

Some people I know would probably disagree with me when I say this:

I want things to affect me because that's when I feel most alive.

It has always been unbelievably hard for me to be unaffected by events and people around me just because I care enough to let it affect me. I don't want to let things go without solving (or resolving) it, I don't want to pretend to not care and I certainly don't want to not care about it even for just a second of peace in my head. I know I'm torturing myself thinking this way but I decided that it's how I want it to be. Not to attract drama into my life but to actually try to make things fair for me.

Since I am affected by these things, petty or not, I complain. And I mean really, REALLY complain. Whether it is to their faces or just in my head. Especially when I know I deserved one thing and got another. I know I can quit complaining and go do something about it but there's this little voice in my head telling me that they should know they should be doing what they should be doing and should not be reminded by anyone. May kusa, kumbaga. I mean, if you care enough for someone, you would do something without him/her reminding you. I dunno. That's just me.

I remembered one time, they asked me what I want. I wanted to tell them everything but I got all tongue-tied and said nothing instead. I also remembered one time I was telling my boyfriend I would write down absolutely everything I hate in my life but he asked me to write down all the things I want to come into my life instead. I didn't get to write them down...until I heard that scream in my head telling me that I should. That's probably how I came up with this wish list.

I'd usually ask for material (a smart phone or a smaller laptop than what we have now) things in my birthday and Christmas wish lists but I have a different wish list this time. This consists of all the wants that have been screaming in my head from the moment I closed my eyes last night 'til I woke up this morning. I have to write them all down now because if I don't I most probably will forget it again and my brain will have to scream them all to me again.

#1: I want to feel needed by my boyfriend.

Not really the "Di ako makatulog nang wala ka" type (though that would really be sweet, if you think about it) and I don't mean for him to want to keep me all to himself but a simple gesture that would make me feel needed. I've been feeling like a total nobody lately. He's so engrossed with looking for money for Jellybean (I think) he's forgotten he has a girlfriend. I'm being a total jerk here by being selfish, I know, but I don't think that a minute of his day would be too much to ask. I don't even know his activities lately. Nada. I literally feel like a wallpaper: he saw it, thought he needed it, got money (not really money, but you get what I mean) to get the wallpaper, put it on his wall, admired it for a second then left and since then haven't noticed he got it. OKAY I'M COMPLAINING AGAIN. Anyway, I want to feel needed. That's it.

#2: I want to see that he really cares for me.

I know that he does care, he gets me all the milk I need and the money we both will be needing but right now, that's just about it. I feel like Brooke Davis here.

#3: I want him to spend time with me.

I hope he turns his phone off when we're together. His clients are going waaaaaaay overboard by contacting him even during the weekends. They keep him up til the wee hours in the morning but that still isn't enough, apparently.

#4: I want to be on his priority list.

I feel that I am. He's been saving up for our family and I couldn't be any grateful but I wanted to know everything about him. I want to be the person he chooses over his friends. I want to be the one he chooses over some meeting with a client whenever it's time for Jellybean's check-ups.

#5: I want him to be (more) understanding.

I've been really, really, REALLY emotional lately. I want him to comfort me and (sometimes) tell me what I want to hear but he won't. Makikipagsabayan talaga siya. I don't know if he does that 'cause he doesn't know how it feels like to be pregnant or if he's really like that.

#6: I want him to be present in my life.

I feel like he's MIA in ALL aspects of my and his kid's life.

#7: I want to be part of his life, as well.

As in all the way part of his life. I want to know EVERYTHING. As in.

#8: I want him to treat me like his girlfriend/soon-to-be life partner carrying his kid. 'Nuff said.

That's my wish list, in case my boyfriend asks for it. I want to publish it in Facebook (since my previous boss told me that telling other people about what you want makes it come true faster) but this wish list is way too personal for that place. Maybe I'll just post a link in Twitter. Or maybe not.

I now know why I don't like fish...

Most of the time, I don't like to eat when the ulam is fish. And now, I know why:

I don't like to think when I eat.

Yes, when you eat fish, it'll be inevitable. You need to think of the tinik and the fact that you CAN'T swallow it or else...

That's it. That's my reason. Shrimps, lobsters, crabs and shellfish are a different story, though. *wink*

I want/NEED this every damn morning.

The picture I was sooooo darn careful not to post in the Internet was posted nevertheless by a classmate from grade school.

This was my grade school graduation picture from Little House in Sucat. I could've removed the tag from her album in Facebook but I wouldn't want them to forget how "the girl who made guys swoon and girls jealous" look like. HAH.

(Yes, I was a hotshot back in elementary school. Whatever happened after, I don't know anymore.)

Online job hunt started today... Okay, yesterday.

So I started browsing through online jobs I could apply for and can I just say:

BAKIT ANG DAMI-DAMI?!

Up to now, I still haven't finished browsing through everything that fits my interests. There are a lot of jobs offering a good enough sum of money that I'm eyeing to apply for but I will do that tomorrow, when it's not dangerous for Jellybean and me to be awake.

In addition to the fact that there are a lot (and I mean A LOT) of jobs to apply for, their descriptions...ohmygod. Whoever posted those ads online should go back to grade school and learn subject-verb agreement all over again. I guess that's why they're hiring writers, to write them a decent job description/web ad for their company.

So, anyway, tomorrow's day 2 of my job hunt online. Hope I find decent enough jobs that pay off pretty good so I could help Bry with Jellybean.

And speaking of Jellybean, we should turn in now. It's waaaaaaaaaaaaay past our bedtime. Toodles!

I have to admit, it has been a while since the last time. It's driving me effin' nuts.

Honey, I'm sorry about the laptop... Kindly stop kicking it. :D

This "depression" should stop...

I've been really, really sad these past few days. So now, I shall make good use of my time... 

Yep, since I stopped working, I did nothing but go online and pity myself for not being able to go out on gimmicks and all that stuff with my friends and my boyfriend (we used to drink EVERY night). So now, I've found a way to keep myself busy and at the same time, earn me some moolah: ODESK! Okay, I didn't actually find it. My used-to-be cancer-stricken (and used-to-be) boss (who is very much alive) did and I figured I could find a home-based job here as well.

I've found some jobs that fits my liking but I didn't apply yet. I will start with my "new" life tomorrow because this might keep me up all night. I am not excited but the though of earning in USD is making me giddy like a high school girl.

But first, I should do number 6. It will take a lot of will to do just that.

We still don't have a name for our little angel!

DADDY BRY, HELP?

Okay, wait, I realized this just now...

I just remembered my OB said that I was on my 27th week last Friday. Meaning I will be on my 28th this coming week. Meaning I'm on my 7th month by next week.

This is not consistent with my February 14 due date because my 40th week will fall on the last week of January or first week of February.

Okay, I might be way strict on the deadline. Sorry, excited.

She keeps on kicking, kicking, kicking... ☺

Jellybean's been really malikot. Even my OB says she's one helluva energetic baby.

The last time I was in the clinic, when the doctor was about to check her heartbeat with one of those thing-a-ma-jiggys with a speaker on it, she kicked her! ☺ Both of us were, like, "Woah!" when we heard it.

Sometimes when I lie in bed at night, I think I hear a *thump* whenever she kicks.

Okay, right this very minute she's making this weird movement that's making my tummy look weird. Hihi.

This has been my ONLY source of happiness these past couple of days, with all that's happening with me and her dad...

Now, if only someone would get me doughnuts then I'd really, really, really be happy. Nyahahaha.

I want to tell my parents this. But how?

Because that's what love is.

I might get this for Kuya this Christmas.

(Photo by Gen Caballero, grabbed from her Facebook account)

Right now, I'm holding on to the past. I know I shouldn't but it's the only thing that's keeping me sane. All the drama's wearing me out.

Maybe saying what's on my mind is a terrible thing so I'm shutting up and shutting out.

Additional Congenital Anomaly Scan Printouts

 

(Both taken October 22, 2010 at The Medical City, Pasig City)

Wow. My name with an "H" in it.

You know what the more surprising thing for me is, though? This is the baby girl of one of my classmates way back in grade school. I don't want to think that he named it after me because that would be really freaky. But, see? The same spelling, except hers has an "h" conveniently placed after the letter "g" probably for the kid's nickname (Leigh).

Damn. This really came as a surprise. I didn't expect this. At all. Especially not from him. Eww. Please.

A friend recommended this blog to me and it is very, very helpful. ☺

http://www.mommylace.com

Flowers.

I was browsing through a college acquaintance's blog...

Okay, long story short, I don't like receiving flowers. End of story.

I was supposed to blog about how much I hate receiving flowers and how nonsensical it is for me but my pea-sized attention span brought me to an old flame's Facebook page.

He and I were a "couple" back in college (especially to those who actually saw us together) though nothing was official because I was in a relationship then and our relationship went only as far as hanging out before and after class, sharing huge pizzas and California Makis. He probably is the prettiest - and sweetest - boy I ever went out with and I actually regretted not having him as my boyfriend months after he "disappeared".

How is he related to this post? He gave me 17 red roses through random schoolmates and 1 blue rose through the bar manager where we were hanging out the night of my 18th birthday. But this is NOT what this is all about.

So, anyway, I was browsing through his photos in Facebook and saw a few photos suggesting he is... uhm... you know, that he is gay.

I've nothing against them but hello, I practically made out with the guy only to find out... Okay, I have yet to confirm this but the thought's just bothering me.

Oh, man. This will haunt me in my sleep.

WANT.

Caramel Macchiato Ice Cream

Jellybean's Congenital Anomaly Scan

(Both taken October 22, 2010 at The Medical City, Pasig City)

Jellybean's Transabdominal Ultrasound

(Taken September 24, 2010 at The Medical City, Pasig City)

I am posting this here because I have short-term memory loss.

http://www.momcenter.com.ph

How do I hold a small baby in my arms?

 

 

Since we'll be having a baby in the house soon, Trish and I tried carrying little Gracielle (My lola calls her Gretchen) last weekend. Being the ignorant fools that we are, we panicked when they gave Gracielle to us. We didn't know what to do and we kept on asking everyone "ANONG GAGAWIN KO?!".

So anyway, I should learn how to carry a baby (AND FAST!) because due date is nearing and I can't pass the responsibility to anyone else.

Where can I find seminars for soon-to-be mommies? Hmmm...

BB...

Okay, I'm having this sudden urge of getting a BB it's driving me insane... I dunno why my phone isn't good enough for me anymore but, yeah, I want a BB. I think it's just because of the jelly thingy you put as protector for the phone. I want that jelly in fuschia pink.

Just a thought...

If I decide that we would work out til the very end and he does just that too, we will.

Right?

I love Jill for this. Na-touch ako.

This small a space will be enough for me, Bry and Jellybean.

Please forgive me for the tasteless shots. I was sooooo sleepy.

This was our hotel room in Hotel Vida in Clark last weekend (October 29-31, 2010).